In Transit

The past couple days have been rough.  It is veritably impossible to think that moving across the world would not have some stresses involved, and I’m feeling some stresses indeed.

The biggest struggle I’ve been encountering is the thought of “what if?”  I’m in this limbo right now, not fully in Bangkok and not in Pittsburgh and not in Iowa and not anywhere.  I have some things planned, some ideas, but I also am considering and worrying over what I’m leaving in Pittsburgh.  I have a sneaking suspicion that there was a job lined up for me, a good job, a job that would have been fun.  I even got an email today reminding me of this job that still hasn’t been filled for whatever reason.  I’m leaving Aaron, leaving a few great friends, leaving things that I was really enjoying, for a possibility.  I’ll miss a wedding in November that I was so thrilled about.  I’ll miss Christmas, possibly more.  All these thoughts are hard right now considering my lack of housing, lack of space, lack of a solid foundation. 

And yet, I’m reminding myself of a few key points.

This school in Bangkok will be a challenge.  It will be hard, challenging work, and it will make me a better librarian, a better teacher, and hopefully a better human.  I may have encountered some challenges in Pittsburgh, at this school I’m thinking about, but they wouldn’t have been anything like this.  After my work the last semester of school in Pittsburgh, my subbing work, I am more than ready for a challenge. 

While I’m tired of moving, I’m not tired of travel.  Living in Bangkok with the resources and the access will grant me more opportunities to see the world.  I’m thinking of visiting India, Egypt, maybe New Zealand.  Grandpa recommended that I see Japan, so I may go there as well.  I have a nice selection of short holidays throughout the year that should be conducive to travelling, and a wide variety of friends in various locations to go visit.  The guy who helped me get this job, Kim, is Belgian, and his wife is Italian, and perhaps those would be on the agenda as well. 

I am reminding myself that this job falls in line with the majority of the other jobs that I’ve had; it’s fallen into my lap as if by magic.  From college this has happened, and I’m learning to listen to the way that life is directing me.  The job I had in college…. fell in my lap after a chance meeting.  Peace Corps…. one professor’s story became my goal, and I was fortunate enough to be the second group of volunteers in Cambodia.  This, incidentally, gave me the work at JPA, which helped me discover the work that I loved so much.  I met my Pittsburgh friend, and that connection gave me the springboard to work from as I attended graduate school.  Falk, then USC, all of these were a combination of my hard work and connections and blessed chance. 

This job fell into my lap in a similar way.  I have to wonder at the timing, at the fact that my friend from JPA was working in Bangkok, in a school he loved, and that they were looking for a librarian at the exact same time that I was looking for a job.  I believe they had already hired someone, but that plans and life changed in a certain way and the job became available.  What are the chances?  It could have happened for a very specific reason that has yet to avail itself to me.  Perhaps it is the money that I will save, the experiences that I’ll accrue.  Perhaps it is the impact on Aaron, which I already have seen.  Perhaps it is the change to our relationship and the improvement that we will both feel as a result. 

So here I am, contemplating in the airport, waiting for the long flight to begin, hoping for the best.  I’m struggling, but I know that things will work out.  They have before.  They will again.