Reflections

#selfie

I've come to a few conclusions at this auspicious time.

1.  I dislike the air conditioner when I’ve been sleeping outdoors.

2.  In fact, I love sleeping outdoors in the cool weather.3.  I’m happiest when I’m discovering nature and walking around.

4.  Thailand has a ton of really interesting things to see.

5.  My body temperature is far more suited to this weather than most of the Thai nationals I know (students included).

6.  I am incredibly introverted, and sensitive to sound in a very serious way.  Meaning, I need my quiet and alone time. 

7.  It helps me to learn about the history of a place when I'm feeling frustrations about said place.

8.  I'm action oriented.

9.  Teaching can be very, very frustrating.

10.  We're nearing break time and it is very welcome.

The Week Without Walls

View from my tent by the lake.

What an interesting week this has been.

This week, from Monday to Friday, I’ve been chaperoning a Week Without Walls fieldtrip, full of the Grade 8 class on a nature adventure.  This nature adventure began with camping, included some trekking, and ended with a farm and a cave.  There was plenty of bonding that came about as well.

It’s been a very thought provoking fieldtrip.  I’m watching affluent children try to rough it (with a fully stocked bathroom) and deal with tents and nature.  I’m also reading a very sharp book about Thailand that is highlighting several of the things I’m seeing with historical commentary about the guy in charge.

We cooked fish in this forest.

I’ll also say that I’m in the boomerang of life overseas.  When I started with Peace Corps, everything was absolutely glorious for a few months, but when the holidays (read: Thanksgiving) began showing up, I began to get a bit homesick.  Thanksgiving is about that time, when the shine begins to wear off and you start to understand the culture more.  I’m in that down slope, where I see more of the negatives than the positives.  I’m in that place where I can see the problems but can’t affect the solutions at school.  It’s the frustrating thing about living overseas, and it happens to just about everyone.

Our hotel was right next to this river.

It’s not like me to find so much negativity in life, but I’m working in a place that I’ve yet to understand.  I am finding it challenging to work within such affluence and wealth, within the confines of overprotective behavior.  I see it, I understand the premise, but I know what made me what I am today… and overprotectiveness is not it.  I’ve been reflecting more on what my middle and high school experience was like, so that I can find what worked for me to make me a successful human.  It was not overprotective, not ever.  I spent summers with grandma, off to camps here and there.  I spent time on my own, fending for myself after school.  I worked from a young age, in the fudge and coffee shop.  I made mistakes, felt the impact of consequences, and changed my behavior.

This cave was full of Buddhist idols.

I want these kids to have the same.  I want them to be functional humans, not using money to solve every problem.  I saw a beautiful thing yesterday along those lines as well.  We went to a school to let the kids interact with students from a different world than them.  At first, I must say, I was skeptical of the idea.  I think that these kinds of visits can go awry so quickly.  But, I was so pleasantly surprised.  Our kids played with those kids, talked, laughed, interacted.  It was lovely.  A few of them ended up in tears, and one of them mentioned that it was one of the first times that she actually felt as lucky as everyone said she was. 

I want those emotions for all of the students.  I want activities that bring that out for them.

I greatly enjoyed the cave.

But we are fighting such greater forces.  To get to that, we have to battle overprotective school policy and overprotective parentals.  We are fighting a karma based culture, that has entitlement written into merit from previous lives.  It makes me want to hit my head on the wall with frustration sometimes.  But, slowly, progress.

Slowly.  Very slowly.  And, until then, a frustration that is difficult to fight.  Until then, a boomerang that is on the negative side.  Until then, a hope for the different, a plan for change.

The cave was next to a monkey... something.  They liked bananas.

Long Time Coming + Loy Krathong

I recently received a letter from my grandpa that mentioned that he hadn't heard from me on the blog in awhile, from which he assumed I was insanely busy and unable to write.  That is incredibly true.  I have been wildly busy at work, often coming home late and resorting to stupid television because my brain was so worn out.  However, since I love getting mail (I think I get more mail abroad than at home) and love my grandpa, I wanted to put out a blog or two about what has been happening.

Let's see.... where to begin.

Well, I have taken over a grade 8 humanities classroom, teaching population geography, human rights, and migration, something that is right up my alley.  It has taken me a bit of time to get it all together, with the IB framework and the like.  However, I love it.  I love teaching the content and really enjoy seeing firsthand what a teacher is required to do in this type of classroom.  I'm getting to know the kids in grade 8 (more on that later) and getting a feel for what these kids can do.  It is incredibly valuable experience, and the opportunity arose when a coworker decided to leave school to take care of some personal business.  Right now I'm teaching population, and will love going into the next unit, about migration.  I knew that one day my sociology degree would come in handy.

That's the busy part; there was one week where I was looking for things every night until late.  I'm still searching for interesting takes on migration, on aid, on human rights, through TED talks and the like, but I enjoy the topic so much that none of it is a challenge.  I'm thrilled to be working on this.

Amidst this teaching, I'm still trying to stay on top of the librarian thing.  It is so much more my passion, and what I'm always trying to incorporate into the school.  To that end, just a week or two ago (I've lost all track of the time), I ran a research based meeting for all the teachers.  I was anxious the whole time, because it has always been difficult for me to speak in front of my peers, but the meeting went off without a hitch.  Honestly, I was proud of the work that I did and the learning that took place under my guidance.  I'm working on an application to be a workshop leader for the IB as well, and this was a trial run.  I'm quite excited.  What a way to learn about my craft with other librarians from other schools.   More details to follow as available.

How about culture, life, etc etc etc?

My Krathong, which I bought from the lovely woman who
sells ice cream from a shop near my house.

There was a festival not long ago called Loy Krathong.  From what I could tell, it is incredibly similar to Cambodia's Water Festival, one of my favorite holidays.  There were lanterns lit and small boats of banana leaves with candles and incense and a coin for luck set out into the lake or the river.

I really enjoyed myself.  I started out with some Japanese food at one of my favorite restaurants, Kyoto.  I actually ran into one of my coworkers there, Rich, and his wife Sapai, and their son Isaac.  Isaac is hilarious; he only smiles at strangers once in awhile, and he's finally warming up to me.

At the lake in my village, getting ready to set it afloat.

I went down to the lake to enjoy the atmosphere a bit, had an ice cream from the truck, and then lit my incense and set my boat afloat.  It's such a spiritual ceremony.  I saw a lot of families praying and setting their little Krathong afloat.  It's lovely, really, seeing all the boats and their candles and the glow of the incense on the lake.  Plus, unlike Cambodia, most of the Krathong are made with banana leaves as a base, meaning that the majority of the materials would be safe to leave in the water.  Our village cleaned up the lake afterward, but if that wasn't possible, it was generally no problem.

Kim releasing a lantern to help a guy struggling in the street.

I ran into Kim and his family, so we went to have a beer together at a local restaurant and sat and enjoyed the lake side view.  We saw lots of lanterns, lots of people enjoying the evening with their families, and generally just had a good time.  Kim even helped a struggling guy release his lantern.

Apparently, the lanterns were banned this year though.  Obviously that is completely enforced.  I wanted to try my hand with a lantern, so I bought one from a local vendor and tried to set it afire near to the lake (in much the same place as the picture).

Look at that beautiful lantern!

However, being the tall white woman that I am, I was stopped mid fire from my lantern releasing activities by a Thai policeman.  It is shockingly difficult to handle these lanterns.  They are made from a really delicate paper and have the fire source attached at the bottom with thin wire.  It was really hard to handle on my own, so the guy that sold it came across the street to help me.  When the cop stopped my fun time, the guy said something to the effect of, "Aw, come on, she's a foreigner."  I still don't speak Thai, but that's the jist that I got from him.  The cop smiled at me, patted out my fire, and I left uneventfully.  I did notice the plethora of English speakers, telling me that it was against the law and the cop was just doing his job.  I'm still unsure what to make of that, but that's the story.

I bought some sparklers and decided to give them to the
Buddha that I keep in my garden, watching over all the plants.

So, I went home (with my big paper lantern hanging off my bicycle), and lit my lantern with Rizza.  She didn't participate much, or hold the lantern while I lit it like I asked, but she was there, and I celebrated all my worries and cares floating into the air.

Then, I lit some sparklers and gave them to Buddha.

It was a pretty eventful Thursday.

Cambodia: I Heart Thee

Coffee man, doing his thing in Sway

3 hours in the salon somehow made my hair straight.

Beautiful guy who owns said salon in Sway.

Trusty tailor lady from near my old place in SR.

Rice and Pork breakfast... with iced coffee and a book.

Breakfast companions: Sophal and Max.

Guey tio, noodle soup... so much more delicious in Cambo.

River shot.  They are prepping for Bon Om Tuk this week.

River II.  More practice.

Sway road near Jan's house.

G&Ts with Jan on her porch... drinking Dan and Deidre's gin too.

Jan's sanctuary.

Oops

I’m mind-boggled at how much I’ve fucked up this week.   I’m writing at the airport, completely disgusted at myself and just annoyed at the (very preventable) mistakes that I’ve made.

Biggest one: My flight was meant to be yesterday.  How I’ve lived with such a lack of awareness is beyond me.  Did it start when I booked my flight?  When I checked again yesterday?  How on earth did I miss something as simple as the day, I’m not sure.

I may have left my ATM card from Bangkok in an ATM, because it has gone and disappeared.  I’ll have to visit the bank tomorrow (or Monday) to cancel the old and get the new.  That’s annoying, and was completely preventable.  How did I do this?  How.

I bought a new suitcase in the Reap and couldn’t open it.  One of the reasons I brought this suitcase was because I was supposed to check a bag in my original plan (which was derailed when I realized that the day I showed up at the airport was one day later than it should have been). 

In other news, I made a mistake.  And I’ve learned my lesson, really.  There are things that I need to be more stressed and careful about, and that will happen more now.  Honestly, I got lucky, very lucky this time.

I was almost too late catching my flight from Bangkok because I misjudged the time.  I got lucky there, passing through every step of the process with a breeze.  I got lucky in the fact that no one has taken my money from the debit card that I haven’t been able to cancel yet.  I’m lucky that the replacement fee is minimal and simple.  I’m lucky that I was able to get a seat on this here flight and that I had the funds available to pay for it.  It was honestly incredibly reasonable.  I’m counting my blessings and taking this opportunity to reflect on my travel practices with the knowledge that things could have been so so so much worse.  Oh, and the lady let me through with scissors in my (supposed to be checked) bag because I couldn’t open it.  She said, “you have scissors?”  And I said, “of course I don’t have scissors.”  And then I remembered that I got some free scissors with the Buddha cross stitch that I purchased. 

I’m getting derailed.  I’m super happy right now. 

Like, ecstatic. 

 I started this blog out with having some troubles and some difficulties, but I’m happy with my response to them.  I’m thrilled that I’ve had a full week with my friend Sarah, that I was recognized by a multitude of people in the big SR.  I’m so happy that I had the time I had in Sway.  I had G&Ts with Jan, coffee with the Coffeeman, and a host of my favorite dishes from home. 

I couldn’t be happier.  I had a brilliant break, and I’m thrilled that even with these little difficulties, I’m dealing in such an adult way.  I noticed my ATM card was gone in Sway and had a moment of panic before getting out a second, equally useful, card to use instead.  I have money in more than one place, like an adult.  I checked my card information, saw that it hadn’t been touched, and thanked my lucky stars.  I noticed my flight details, kicked myself for a minute, and am now writing out the discomfort that I feel for my own ineptitude.  I had my moment, solved the problem, and am now on the way to my home. 

I had such a phenomenal holiday, though.  It was relaxing, starting with some swimming at the pool and ending with some nachos and beers at (Sarah’s) home.  Throughout the week, there was all sorts of visiting.  I saw Vannak and Pheakdey, some old coworkers.  I saw all my JPA kids, doing spectacular things with their schoolwork.  The kids that I taught a few years back in my trial by fire grade one teaching are doing incredibly well.  I’m proud that I had a hand in their education.  I am proud that I was able to keep them on the track that they were on and not allow their English and their phonics to slip.  I was always so worried for them, and I am well aware that they are in great hands and going great places.  Their brief interlude with a non-phonics teacher didn’t damage them. 

(Side bar: there are some blond tourists in front of me on the plane engaging in an inappropriate amount of PDA.)

I saw a bunch of people that I had little interactions with throughout my time.  I saw the lady who sold fabric in the market (she sold me a skirt, despite my lack of desire to buy a skirt…. She’s really persuasive.)  I saw my old tailor, the woman who made the majority of the clothes currently in my wardrobe right now.  I saw a couple of friends that I used to hang out with all the time given their bar right around the corner from my house.  Jacob and Carsten are a Danish couple who own a bar that they are currently renovating.  Cats…. Cats everywhere.  They are some certified cat lovers.

I spent, of course, lots of time with Sarah and her lovely boy Max.  Sophal and I ate some breakfast a few days and I was able to see the very astute Chinese businessman who owns the place I ate all the breakfast in. 

Honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a better trip.

Garden 2.0

I made this because I was thinking of my Grandmother's
house, her porch, and morning coffee with her and mom.

I was worried about my plants.

I found evidence of insects, and Google told me I needed to act fast or risk my whole garden.  They were little red monsters trying their best to kill my water plants.... my lotus, my water lillies, my green circle plant thing, all of the aquatic plants.

I also had something of a sun problem.  Yes, I know, it's Thailand and the equator is right next door.  But, there was this one strip in my garden where I kept the full sun and desert plants.... and they were still just dry all the time, more dry than they should have been.

There was an added worry about time and energy.  This week was crazy busy, and I just didn't have the time or the energy to spend in my garden.  Plus, leaving for Cambodia gave me limited time to worry about these things.

I waited until I saw my man at the weekend market, the wonderful man that I owe the majority of my garden to.  I bought some insect killer from him, soil, all the things of garden tending.  I maybe bought a few more plants as well (I have a problem!!).

Then, I went to go pick up a package at the post office.  It took me about an hour to get all the steps together to get there.  I biked up to the road, caught the special truck to the wat, grabbed a moto to the post office, and did the whole thing in reverse with a giant box.  So exhausted from the sun, I stopped at my favorite coffee shop for a pick me up scone and coffee.

I saw an umbrella.  I wanted an umbrella.  I asked for an umbrella.

Before shot.  SUNSHINE OF DEATH ALL DAY.

I got three umbrellas.

Well, I found the umbrellas in the back of the shop and asked Kang (like Kangaroo) if he wanted to sell them.  He refused to take any of my money.  Apparently, he was hoping for more space, and I helped clear out some of the old things that he just didn't want to get rid of.  They came back on my bike, because I'm brave or stupid or both.

Then, I hung them on my roof, which again.... brave or stupid, I'm not sure.  It involved a lot of me standing on the white wall.  Balance.


Then, plant man came over and helped me repot a bunch of plants, because they had coconut husks instead of soil in them.  This means that they get very very dry easily.  He must have spent 45 minutes with me, helping me repot plants and gardening with me.  Gosh, this dude is nice.  Best part?  He heard the song "Rock and Roll" on my shuffle and said, "Oh, Led Zeppelin, I like them."

Garden 2.0 is complete.

Awesome, though, huh?

All the plants found new homes based on their needs.

Side wall.

After gardening for 7 hours (or so), I had a nice mark on my forehead from pushing my glasses up.

Fat, not Fit

I should have known better than to have a fitness assessment at the gym.

Honestly, what was I thinking?

I know what I was thinking; I feel like I am in decent shape.  Sure, I've eaten more pizza in Bangkok than I care to admit, and I'm more dedicated to burgers and ice cream than I was in the past.  There's no Aaron here to make sure that I'm eating home cooked meals that he so lovingly prepares.  Plus, I work in a school of stairs and feel like I'm consistently walking around to get to this place or that.  So, I thought to myself, what is there to lose?

Hm.

I scheduled this for a Friday night.  I met up with this girl trainer, very sweet, with very little English, with her hot pink shoes.

She tells me to get on the scale, and I do.  I'm heavier than I thought, which doesn't shock me that much.  She then asks me my height, in centimeters.

Yeah, I'm American.  We don't do the metric system.  I know about my centimeters, but I'm almost certain I have no idea how many centimeters tall I am.  I say, I have no clue.  And the frenzy begins.  She went seeking information, there was a calculator involved, things going on, chaos reigning.  We finally figured it out, though somehow gained a stray male in the process.  She inputted the height and got some printout about how much of my body was fat and bone and water and clipped it to the paper.

This is what I consider the main drawback of the gym that I attend: men.  This slovenly looking dude with glasses falling off his face was chatting in Thai to the woman attending to my fitness test and looking at my paper.  My anti-cheating reflexes, honed after years in education, rushed to intervene and I told him to back off.  He spoke English, and mumbled some apology, but it took two or three more snarky comments before he actually left the area that we were in.

Dudes.  I was annoyed.

Then I had to run 2.4 km, and I was more annoyed.
Then there were push ups and sit ups.
Then I had to test how strong my hand was with this little tool.

Then I was told I'm fat.

Now, before the affront sets in, allow me to say that I'm not offended.  I was called fat even at my skinniest in Cambodia, because it's just the word that means big, or bigger than what you were, or bigger than whoever the speaker is.  News flash: most people in Asia are quite slender.  After so many years not hearing that, it was a bit of a shock to my system.  But, honestly, I know where I am as a person and as a fit human.  In fact, according to the lady, I have to lost about 10kg to be within the really healthy range, and that is about what I guessed as well.  She also told me to work out 2 hours a day, 4 days a week, which I think is a bit excessive, but the rest of her advice was sound.

I came to the conclusion, though, that I really don't enjoy males in my gym space.  I don't like lifting weights with a bunch of dudes lolling around.  I don't like classes where I'm one woman in a sea of testosterone.  I like supportive females around me.  I really enjoyed the fitness classes I was in in Pittsburgh for that.  Kickboxing only had a man here or there, Boot camp too.

Either way, I feel like I proved myself to the lady when we went around to try machines.  I know, and now she knows, that my arm strength is minimal.  Push ups aren't my thing.  But, when you see me on the leg press, you find out that my legs are very strong.  So, she did tell me after that observation that I was "Fat but strong."  It's not that far off the mark.  I have work that I could be doing, and will be doing, as long as I can keep dancing it off with Tor+ (This is his name in the schedule because of a Thai tonal issue) or getting ab killed by Kwang.

Basically, I like the crazy classes that I go to, but they don't compare to the awesome ILKB studio.  I was in Body Combat on Friday.... with the man that wanted us to yell whenever we hit the air.  It was hilarious.  So, for now, my goal is to trim up and try to work on my tummy.  I think I can do some good things with the support of the gym, and hopefully someday I'll be considered fit instead of fat to the machines that teach my classes.

On Birthdays

I haven't had a great birthday in such a long time.  Last year, I can't remember what I was doing, but I don't think it was wonderful.  I think I was with people who didn't quite appreciate me.  I worked on my birthday.  Worked both jobs that I had, in fact.  That's, of course, only some, but it wasn't a great experience.  One of my good friends came to visit me and brought me a rich chocolate cake, though I couldn't relax enough to enjoy it.  The year before was similar, in a new city and unsure how to create my path.  This year, there is no way I could complain.

I enjoyed two little kid birthday parties on opposite ends of the week.  The first was Aisha's, Kim's little girl, who threw a beautiful pink pony themed event.  Just now, I'm back from an Egyptian themed kid party, where I was holding a newborn and enjoying the energy of this very awesome family that I am now friends with.  I also had the opportunity to go out with some of the other new teachers for a Mexican dinner (and a margarita), and they put candles in the brownie that I blew out.  I received cards from my family, beautiful cards.  A card from my mother put in me tears.  She said she was so proud of me for going to a far away land and thriving there.  The card from my grandmother also put a tear in my eye.  She said my adventures were like a Bob Hope and Bing Crosby movie.

I feel so lucky to be where I am today.  I feel blessed at the people that I have in my life, and the times that I'm already enjoying despite being in this village for such a short time.  I think that this work and this place will be great for me.

I miss my family.  I miss the sailboat in Pella, and the Wilson's pizza, and grandma's Sunday dinners.  I miss Aaron, and my friends in Pittsburgh, and the life that I finally carved out of that world.  I miss many things.

But, my birthday was a very positive one.  It has been a long while since I've had such a beautiful birthday.  My lotus is blooming.  My garden looks positively amazing.  And, I'm going to Cambodia in a short time to see all the people that I love from my old home.

Oh!  On my actual brithday, I went to get a Thai massage from the awesome ladies who trade me Thai phrases for English ones.  I had a birthday burger at the local cool kids joint and was mistaken for a 24 year old.  Oddly enough, I also got mistaken for a 35 year old at school the same day.... something about being tall and confident in my work and my school life.  I can't help but laugh at being mistaken for different ages 10 years apart.  I can only say that the massage must have taken 10 years of stress from my back.

I live a blessed life.

Thank you all for every moment that your life intersected with my own.  I'm a better human with every interaction.

The trials and tribulations of gardens

We had a huge wind storm that blew half of my plants over.
My dangle plants are swinging and moving about.  

But, then I had this gorgeous water lily.

And this phenomenal Hibiscus. 

And my lotus is a few days from gorgeous,

Rizza loves the shade of the Frangipani.

My ylang ylang is almost in full glorious yellow and there are several more buds on the way.

This interesting plants collected some water.

These were waiting on my doorstep on Saturday night ... after a glorious little kid birthday party.

They are a special herb, a Butterfly Pea, that makes tea.

And they were a gift from the man that sold me many of my plants.

This is the Balloon flower, and it is so awesome.  Look at the color!

My gardenia is in bloom, and it smells ... ah.

This is the new addition; a Bromeliad.  It likes water.

It was a hard week.  But this garden is thrilling me with all the things I see.  I take immense pleasure in every moment I spend tending to these plants.