The past couple days have been rough. It is veritably impossible to think that
moving across the world would not have some stresses involved, and I’m feeling
some stresses indeed.
The biggest struggle I’ve been encountering is the thought
of “what if?” I’m in this limbo right
now, not fully in Bangkok and not in Pittsburgh and not in Iowa and not
anywhere. I have some things planned,
some ideas, but I also am considering and worrying over what I’m leaving in
Pittsburgh. I have a sneaking suspicion
that there was a job lined up for me, a good job, a job that would have been
fun. I even got an email today reminding
me of this job that still hasn’t been filled for whatever reason. I’m leaving Aaron, leaving a few great
friends, leaving things that I was really enjoying, for a possibility. I’ll miss a wedding in November that I was so
thrilled about. I’ll miss Christmas,
possibly more. All these thoughts are
hard right now considering my lack of housing, lack of space, lack of a solid
foundation.
And yet, I’m reminding myself of a few key points.
This school in Bangkok will be a challenge. It will be hard, challenging work, and it
will make me a better librarian, a better teacher, and hopefully a better
human. I may have encountered some
challenges in Pittsburgh, at this school I’m thinking about, but they wouldn’t
have been anything like this. After my
work the last semester of school in Pittsburgh, my subbing work, I am more than
ready for a challenge.
While I’m tired of moving, I’m not tired of travel. Living in Bangkok with the resources and the access will grant me more opportunities to see the world. I’m thinking of visiting India, Egypt, maybe New Zealand. Grandpa recommended that I see Japan, so I may go there as well. I have a nice selection of short holidays throughout the year that should be conducive to travelling, and a wide variety of friends in various locations to go visit. The guy who helped me get this job, Kim, is Belgian, and his wife is Italian, and perhaps those would be on the agenda as well.
I am reminding myself that this job falls in line with the
majority of the other jobs that I’ve had; it’s fallen into my lap as if by
magic. From college this has happened,
and I’m learning to listen to the way that life is directing me. The job I had in college…. fell in my lap
after a chance meeting. Peace Corps….
one professor’s story became my goal, and I was fortunate enough to be the
second group of volunteers in Cambodia.
This, incidentally, gave me the work at JPA, which helped me discover
the work that I loved so much. I met my
Pittsburgh friend, and that connection gave me the springboard to work from as
I attended graduate school. Falk, then
USC, all of these were a combination of my hard work and connections and
blessed chance.
This job fell into my
lap in a similar way. I have to wonder
at the timing, at the fact that my friend from JPA was working in Bangkok, in a
school he loved, and that they were looking for a librarian at the exact same
time that I was looking for a job. I
believe they had already hired someone, but that plans and life changed in a
certain way and the job became available.
What are the chances? It could
have happened for a very specific reason that has yet to avail itself to me. Perhaps it is the money that I will save, the
experiences that I’ll accrue. Perhaps it
is the impact on Aaron, which I already have seen. Perhaps it is the change to our relationship
and the improvement that we will both feel as a result.
So here I am, contemplating in the airport, waiting for the
long flight to begin, hoping for the best.
I’m struggling, but I know that things will work out. They have before. They will again.
No comments:
Post a Comment