On Banning Books (Banned Books Week Manifesto)

Starting tomorrow, libraries across America (and my library in Thailand) will celebrate Banned Books Week.  It's a celebration of the American freedom of reading, a celebration of the right of people to read what is available.  This year's focus? YA books, a commonly banned or challenged genre, mainly because the content includes violence, or sex, or drugs, or some combination of the above factors.

As an avid reader of YA lit, I can appreciate that there would be challenges to these texts.  I know that challenging books comes from a good intention, from the desire to protect a child from something sensitive.  I understand that reading about sex (or whatever) may be difficult for an adult to condone.  In my role as a youth librarian, though, I can't imagine anything more important than stepping into another's shoes and practicing the empathy that books create in us.

I'm keeping books very vague on purpose, because I think that even silly content can teach empathy and understanding.  Even books with seemingly no value can help us understand something new about our world and the humans within it.  I am the perfect example of this.

When I was a kid, I liked books.  I still like books.  After I read the Lemony Snicket series, Goosebumps, and Dear America, I moved on to romance novels.  First, I read romances for teens, and then I moved on to romance novels for adults.  As a teenager in high school, I read through the entire library's romance section (in two towns).  I remember that the librarian in one of the towns was not remarkably supportive of my reading choices, but that my stubbornness overcame that challenge.  I collected romance novels.  My bookshelves were right next to my bed, and included titles stacked two deep, two tall, and on three shelves.

I have read thousands of romance novels, many that I can't remember, some with vague memories.  Johanna Lindsey, Diana Palmer, Nora Roberts, more and more.  I can stand in a store and read through a romance novel in a remarkably short amount of time.  I can read through a Harlequin Presents novel in an hour.  I'm only slightly embarrassed to mention my addiction to this genre.

I know that my choice of genre is not the most accepted in general populations.  I know that it is not a respected type of book.  But, they are not without value.  They transport me to different places, to other countries, to different times, to the minds of different people.  There are opportunities to learn new words, because even romance writers are trying to use their vocabularies.

Other things that I like are similarly disregarded as valid art forms.

Rap music and hip hop music, my favorite genre because of the beats and the rhymes and the rhythm in the music, is not a respected art form.  They are wordsmiths, but it isn't seen that way.

Graphic novels are not respected either, and in fact, are banned more often than traditional YA literature.  The genre isn't understood or respected.  I didn't like the books until recently, when I read American Born Chinese in graduate school.  We also read Maus I and II, in the break before the spring course begun.  I took several books home with me to Iowa for Christmas, with even more on CD.  After finishing Maus, I explained the premise to my mom, and she picked it up and read both texts cover to cover.  This is outstanding to me because I've rarely seen her read fiction.  The newspaper, sure, especially on the way to the crossword puzzle.  But a fiction book?  It wasn't the thing she wanted to do with her time.

She read both that day, and it opened up a conversation.  I also read books during that vacation about lesbians, high school secret societies, gossip, and vampires.  The reading brought questions that I wanted to ask my mother about, and I did.  I doubt I would have breached the subject of homosexuality without having a great book (Annie on My Mind) to spur me.

I think about this when it comes to books, particularly YA books.  There are many things that I learned from books... how to communicate when I generally preferred to observe, how to observe more deeply when I was only seeing one side, and how to read the emotions that I saw on faces.  My family didn't always want to talk about issues, as atypical things are rarely spoken about in small towns.  I explored in books issues that I didn't know existed and it brought me to where I am today.

It doesn't matter what a kid reads, as long as they are reading something.  They can read manga, or romance, or fan fiction, or John Green, or anything.  Whatever they are reading helps them to get into a story, helps them see a perspective that they may not have known existed.  If they read about drugs, maybe they see that they're not that interested, or that they should exercise caution.  They may read a book that features a normal boy who happens to be attracted to another boy, and realize that they are also attracted to boys.  They may read Harry Potter, where the main character has some serious issues with authority (seriously, did he ever follow the rules?).  Despite this, they may see that some things are worth fighting for, and that protagonists are rarely perfect.  Characters have flaws, but books help you realize that you can make those mistakes and find ways to have integrity and acceptance.

Most importantly, I think books help you think of questions that you hadn't considered.  These questions could be innocuous, or serious, but often new.  Anything from "how can I deal with a broken heart?" to "how far is too far when it comes to sex?"  That uncertainty unnerves adults sometimes, especially if they're part of the equation, with questions being asked of them.

Recently, some adults have said the same things to me.
"Well, how do we know a book isn't too advanced for a kid?"
"What if a kid checks out something that they won't understand?"
"What happens if there's violence in a book and they take it the wrong way?"

Kids get things.  Kids are sensitive little humans who instinctively know that the violence in this book is not the success in the story.  They know when they should ask something and when to keep their knowledge quiet.  Their online lives are full of things that we don't understand, things that they know to keep quiet because the adults will disapprove.  Trying to keep them in the dark does nothing for them, because they can find whatever inappropriate content they want with a simple Google search when their parents are asleep.  Banning the nuance that a text gives brings them just their simple search results with YouTube comments (which are generally harsh) or Tumblr posts (which are often un-researched, or researched quite well, but you're never sure what you're seeing) or whatever else they can find.

If it doesn't make sense, the kid will likely abandon it.  If they can't handle it, they'll put it down, or endure practicing the perseverance of getting through a challenge.  If it is sensitive, they'll talk about it with whoever will understand, or ruminate over it on their own.  Have a little faith in them, and let them surprise you.

I read romance novels, and I am still a functional member of society.  Other read manga, or comics, or ghost stories, or fanfiction.  Any book in a student's hand brings them that much closer to being the empathetic and sensitive adult you're hoping for.  Give them a little credit and let the kids read.

Reflections

#selfie

I've come to a few conclusions at this auspicious time.

1.  I dislike the air conditioner when I’ve been sleeping outdoors.

2.  In fact, I love sleeping outdoors in the cool weather.3.  I’m happiest when I’m discovering nature and walking around.

4.  Thailand has a ton of really interesting things to see.

5.  My body temperature is far more suited to this weather than most of the Thai nationals I know (students included).

6.  I am incredibly introverted, and sensitive to sound in a very serious way.  Meaning, I need my quiet and alone time. 

7.  It helps me to learn about the history of a place when I'm feeling frustrations about said place.

8.  I'm action oriented.

9.  Teaching can be very, very frustrating.

10.  We're nearing break time and it is very welcome.

The Week Without Walls

View from my tent by the lake.

What an interesting week this has been.

This week, from Monday to Friday, I’ve been chaperoning a Week Without Walls fieldtrip, full of the Grade 8 class on a nature adventure.  This nature adventure began with camping, included some trekking, and ended with a farm and a cave.  There was plenty of bonding that came about as well.

It’s been a very thought provoking fieldtrip.  I’m watching affluent children try to rough it (with a fully stocked bathroom) and deal with tents and nature.  I’m also reading a very sharp book about Thailand that is highlighting several of the things I’m seeing with historical commentary about the guy in charge.

We cooked fish in this forest.

I’ll also say that I’m in the boomerang of life overseas.  When I started with Peace Corps, everything was absolutely glorious for a few months, but when the holidays (read: Thanksgiving) began showing up, I began to get a bit homesick.  Thanksgiving is about that time, when the shine begins to wear off and you start to understand the culture more.  I’m in that down slope, where I see more of the negatives than the positives.  I’m in that place where I can see the problems but can’t affect the solutions at school.  It’s the frustrating thing about living overseas, and it happens to just about everyone.

Our hotel was right next to this river.

It’s not like me to find so much negativity in life, but I’m working in a place that I’ve yet to understand.  I am finding it challenging to work within such affluence and wealth, within the confines of overprotective behavior.  I see it, I understand the premise, but I know what made me what I am today… and overprotectiveness is not it.  I’ve been reflecting more on what my middle and high school experience was like, so that I can find what worked for me to make me a successful human.  It was not overprotective, not ever.  I spent summers with grandma, off to camps here and there.  I spent time on my own, fending for myself after school.  I worked from a young age, in the fudge and coffee shop.  I made mistakes, felt the impact of consequences, and changed my behavior.

This cave was full of Buddhist idols.

I want these kids to have the same.  I want them to be functional humans, not using money to solve every problem.  I saw a beautiful thing yesterday along those lines as well.  We went to a school to let the kids interact with students from a different world than them.  At first, I must say, I was skeptical of the idea.  I think that these kinds of visits can go awry so quickly.  But, I was so pleasantly surprised.  Our kids played with those kids, talked, laughed, interacted.  It was lovely.  A few of them ended up in tears, and one of them mentioned that it was one of the first times that she actually felt as lucky as everyone said she was. 

I want those emotions for all of the students.  I want activities that bring that out for them.

I greatly enjoyed the cave.

But we are fighting such greater forces.  To get to that, we have to battle overprotective school policy and overprotective parentals.  We are fighting a karma based culture, that has entitlement written into merit from previous lives.  It makes me want to hit my head on the wall with frustration sometimes.  But, slowly, progress.

Slowly.  Very slowly.  And, until then, a frustration that is difficult to fight.  Until then, a boomerang that is on the negative side.  Until then, a hope for the different, a plan for change.

The cave was next to a monkey... something.  They liked bananas.

Creativity for the Week

I found this on the side of the road as garbage at a house near to my own.  I rescued it because, despite being unfinished, I like the vibe and the colors and even the white space.  Now it lives in my garden.

The coffee man here has these coffee cup holders in plastic.  This is everywhere in Asia.  However, the creativity that I noticed has to do with the coffee man's stand.  There is a blue PVC style pipe with all of these on it, so all he has to do is put the cup on top of the pipe and slide it on.  I find that remarkably practical.

At the noodle stand in the market, there isn't a ton of space.  The ladies I go to have their corner for all their food, a couple of tables, and this, the caddy for all the used cups and garbage.  It's very organized.  There's a strainer over the garbage pail... so they can throw in the excess liquid from the bowls.  It catches all of the extra food pieces, possibly for compost, and lets free the liquid so it can be dumped out elsewhere.  I find that quite clever.

My microwave has Thai foods and writing on it.  That may be interesting to someone.

I got tired of my water bottle flying all over the place, and my coffee in the morning.  So, I created a coffee holder on my bicycle that can hold my liquids.  It's made from some wire and an extra planter thing I found.

10 Books That Have Stayed With Me

I've been seeing the "10 Books that Have Stayed With You" posts going around on Facebook for awhile now.  No one has tagged me, but I'm going to do it anyway.  Here, because I can.

Influence: Science and Practice, by Robert Cialdini

I read this book in college, for a May Term class about Social Influence and Film.  It was incredibly interesting to me, these sociological themes about the hold that others can have on you.  The book made me question some of my own behaviors.  I began to wonder why I was operating in certain ways, and was able to become more self aware because of it.

Bel Canto, by Ann Patchett

I have a very poor memory for most of the books that I read.  Very few things stick with me, and if they do, they are short snippets.  I usually can't recollect an entire book's summary off the top of my head.  This one, though, has stuck with me.  There is vivid imagery in this book, both with images and with sounds, and it hasn't left my memory.

Daughter of Fortune, by Isabel Allende

I remember as a younger girl seeing this book on my stepmom's shelf.  I was always curious because it looked like a memoir, but only read it recently.  I fell in love with it.  I couldn't stop reading her words.  And now, I know a coworker who has actually knows the author and her family, and I'm even more engrossed in the tale that was woven.

The Handmaid's Tale, by Margaret Atwood

I couldn't put this down.  It is one of the best books I've ever had the pleasure of reading, bringing together a mix of incredibly interesting themes and genres together.

The Mysterious Benedict Society, by Trenton Lee Stewart

A YA book, this one has clever kids with different strengths, and I responded so well to the idea that a hero has no specific set of skills, but a collection and a community from which to draw from.

Me Talk Pretty One Day, by David Sedaris

I read this book about a year into Peace Corps.  In the book, he is learning French, and trying his best to have conversations in this foreign language.  He's in a class with a native speaker, a Muslim woman who was in the introductory class to improve her reading and writing skills.  One day, in the spring, they have a communication, this whole class and this Muslim woman, about Easter.  They explain Easter in their limited French vocabulary, talking about "a party for the little boy of god who call his self jesus." "He die one day on two... morsels of... lumber."  I've never laugher harder at a book.  I sat in the hammock under my house and laughed until I cried having faced exactly the same thing in my quest to Khmer learning.

The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke, by Suze Orman

She's my idol, I'll admit it.  Her book got me into a plan for myself with money.  It is incredibly important to me and I will continue to appreciate her advice.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy, by Stieg Larsson

I saw the American version of this in the theatres with no knowledge of the story, no preview watched, no anything.  Immediately afterward, I got the book on my Kindle.  Within a month, all three books were read.  I love her strength, her awkwardness, her intelligence.

Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson

I read this book for graduate school.  It is a YA book involving the rape of a high school girl, and it is heart-wrenching.  It is a powerful, honest book.

Literacies of Power, by Donald Macedo

This is an education book that I read for a class about multicultural issues in education.  It discusses the power that education brings, and I was reading it right when I came back from Cambodia.  It put great emphasis on the wealth of education and how it is distributed.  It still sticks with me.

On this simple Thursday....

I was thinking of a few things.

1. I got my macbook, and began uploading pictures.  Today I felt inclined to delete a great number of pictures, as is my goal.  And I did.  I deleted things that were bad shots, anything that didn't bring up a strong memory, pictures that weren't of people I spent great deals of time with... all sorts of reasons.  I started with about 13k photos, and am down about a grand.  I expect I will have a great many fewer by the end of it all, which is the goal.  It was a very curious sensation, though; I kept feeling guilty for every shot I deleted, even though I had variations for days.  I'll work through this with time, I'm sure.  There are a few things that I keep holding on to, and want to let go.

2. I'm thinking seriously about eventually working for Tessa Boudrie, the woman that I wrote my Voluntourism post from.  Her organization, matching donors with suitable organizations, is something that I think could be very valuable.  It seems to me like a great way to enact change, working on the ground and finding places that are doing great and need some help.  It's long down the road, but her talk has stuck with me for some time now.

3. I believe I will spend Christmas in Burma.  And balloon over the ancient city, practice some spirituality, and relax in the trees.

4. Yesterday I babysat for Kim, and watching his girls was a riot.  I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to seek out this family without having one of my own.  I feel rather confident that I will not produce my own offspring, so having that outlet and that nearby family is really a wonderful thing.  I believe I want to get them some kids books for the next celebration... all their English books were garbage.  I read this Town Mouse and Country Mouse and I was yawning reading it because it was so boring.

5. I'm very, very proud of Aaron.  He did an amazing thing this week, and I smile every time I think about how wonderful he is and how much I want him to come over here with me.

6. My lily bloomed today.  Life is grand.

Goal Check

I've just finished looking over my finances today, which reminded me that it may be time to check in with the goals and how things are going.

• Learn Thoughtfully and Consistently
• Be Mindful
• Organize a Life of Photos
• Find the Joy of Cooking
• Save Every Extra Baht

Learn Consistently.

It's going well.  I've started reading again, about all sorts of topics, and I feel like I'm gaining knowledge about my job and the things that I should be working with.  The learning for work is going extremely well, and I'm having the start of a plan to become a bigger part of the IB world.  In this case, that means becoming a presenter for the IB conference on libraries.  I would run workshops in this part of the world on IB librarianship and how it would look in various schools and various ways.

I'm going to keep reading and keep learning about work, and improve myself and my knowledge in every way I can.  Progress.

Be Mindful.

I give myself half points.  I think I'm observing things around me, but I feel rude as a person who doesn't speak Thai.  I find myself impolite from time to time, and I am working to change that.  I do feel like I observe everything always, but in this I have a ways to go yet.  It helps when I blog.  It would help more to find some exercise that would be effective for me here.

Photos.

My MacBook Pro should be ready in a week or so, and then I will begin.  I may consider borrowing Kim's scanner, or buying one of my own, as soon as those photos show up.  Tabled.

Cooking.

Eating I've got down, but this... Hm.  Not yet begun.

Save Every Extra Baht.

It's really rough to start fresh, but as I looked over my finances today, I had a lot of hope.  My necessary expenses are minimal, my salary is good, and I predict that I'll be able to save about $2000 every month, for use in my emergency fund, retirement, travel fund, and student loans.  I'll update more on that later in the month; I'm missing the first few bills that will give me an indication of how much I'll be spending from month to month.  However, things look very promising.

Adding one more:

Add positive habits.

Aaron laughs at me for saying this, but he is a really big inspiration to me.  I've begun doing things in my home for myself, for the goal of improving my adult ability to live, and also with the notion that I want to live with him.  I admire his way of life, and am going to continue instilling in myself some new habits that will benefit our life together, and me as a human.  I've started doing the following things with that in mind.  

I make my bed in the morning.

I go to sleep with a clean sink, no dishes inside.

I iron my clothes in the morning.

I wake up earlier than necessary and straighten things up.

I end the day with books, not screens.

For every positive habit I add, I feel better about myself and my ability to add positive things to my life.  Because of that, I feel more positive about living with another human who is so very good at adding positive things to his life, because of his discipline.  I admire him.  I seek to have the same discipline.  I will work to have the same discipline.

Astrolabe (sic) Chart Woo Woo

I haven't the slightest clue what this means.

Aaron told me about this birth chart thing that he was impressed with.  Now I am impressed with it, despite really not believing in anything of the sort.  But really, I read it, and I was pretty darn impressed with what it said and how well it described me. Readings in italics, my response in regular text.

Rising Sign is in 24 Degrees Taurus ie... what others see in me and how I present myself.
Calm and deliberate, you hate to move quickly or act hastily. Very practical, every effort must count or you can't be bothered. Patient, persistent and steady, but very stubborn -- you can't be pushed or pressured into anything. You seem outwardly self-assured because you tend to repress your inner tension and turmoil. You exude an earthy warmth, friendliness and charm. You demand comfortable surroundings and appreciate the good life. Be careful of a tendency to be overly self-indulgent. At times, you are lazy and difficult to motivate. Overcoming inertia is a problem for you and, because you are not by nature a self-starter, it is often necessary for you to receive stimuli from others in order to get moving. 

Man, accurate.  Yesterday I went to look for a boxing bag, hung out in the store for at least an hour, and didn't buy the thing that I thought I wanted.  Persistent, check.  Stubborn, my mom will check.  Practical, absolutely.  Self-assured... I was a Stage Manager for years, and a librarian is a SM who works with books.  I'm indulgent with sugar, and ice cream, and things I want.  And absolutely do I need some intrinsic motivation to work hard.... luckily the library thing usually provides me with that.

Sun is in 15 Degrees Libra. ie... typically seen as libra things.
Very sociable, you enjoy being with others and definitely prefer not be alone. Warm and affectionate, you go out of your way to make others like you. You despise ugliness, for you being surrounded by beauty and harmony is a necessity of life. You prefer fine clothing, an attractive home and pleasant surroundings wherever you are. Your refined tastes apply to music and to art as well. At times, you are very indecisive you waver and falter when forced to make a choice because you have the ability to see both sides of any question. The positive part of this is that you are very fair-minded and can be trusted to settle disputes. Your greatest challenge is to take any one- on-one encounter and make the most of it. 

I could argue some of these, like often preferring people and fine clothing.  The beauty and harmony thing are absolutes, the art tastes also well suited.  Decisions... man... I'm a libra to the core.  

Moon is in 25 Degrees Sagittarius. ie... personality traits.
An idealist, you prefer the grand, the beautiful, the good and the noble. You get very disappointed when your high expectations in life are not met. Very curious by nature, you enjoy traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. Try to avoid your tendency to ignore the small but important details of living. You are independent and free, and you want others to be that way, too. Optimistic, buoyant and cheerful, others like to have you around. You have an incessant desire to learn as much as possible about metaphysics, religion, philosophy and any other broad, deep subject. Your life tends to be punctuated by bursts of energy and frenetic activity. 

Curious. Traveling. Peoples and Cultures. Independent. Optimistic. Learning. Jesus, they figured me out.

Mercury is in 07 Degrees Scorpio.
You are a born investigator. You are fascinated by secrets and mysteries and unanswered questions of any kind. When you become upset or angry, your emotional reactions are overpowering -- reason and logic disappear in an uncontrollable passionate outburst. You tend to keep your thoughts secret and bottled up and this makes others regard you with suspicion. It is not that you are trying purposely to be evasive, it is just that you would rather not deal with the explosions and hassles that often occur when you reveal your true feelings and opinions. Your sense of humor tends toward sarcasm and irony. 

I can see this.  I do have outbursts, and I often saw that as something that arose because I wasn't very good at dealing with conflict in any other way.  It takes a great deal of time before I get upset or angry, but when I do, I very much do.

Venus is in 19 Degrees Scorpio. 
Your feelings about others are deep, powerful, intense and complex. When you like someone, you do so totally and obsessively if you do not like someone, they do not exist. Your faithfulness and loyalty to your lover is unquestioned, indeed at times it is too much so -- you get so possessive that you almost smother your partner. At times, your feelings are kept deep within you and, because they are so complex and intense, they frighten you -- this is the way that you try to ignore them. But the more you try to do this, the more explosive things get when you eventually do express them. 

Hm.  It frightens me to believe these things, though I've seen it before.  I dated a few guys who were freaked out at my emotions, and I have learned to repress them.  With Aaron, I find myself liking him so much that I can't see anything else.  In fact, I've told him recently that it has been somewhat beneficial to be overseas.  I am more focused on my job because he is so far away, and I am able to take what I like about him and put it in a box while I'm here.  I don't find myself possessive, however.  I just like having him around.

Mars is in 00 Degrees Aquarius. 
Your ideas and opinions are usually inventive and original, but sometimes they are merely eccentric and offbeat. You are altruistic -- you will work hard for the attainment of group goals, as long as they meet your high standards. You tend to resent traditional authority figures because you think that your ideas are better thought out and more valuable than theirs. Very idealistic, you are a rebel WITH a cause! 

High standards.  Yes. Altruistic, more before Peace Corps.  The thing about authority figures makes me laugh... it's so accurate I have trouble expressing it.  

Jupiter is in 14 Degrees Pisces. 
You are at your best when you give of yourself and what you have -- try to avoid being a martyr about it, though. You're a true idealist, but you must learn not to be upset when life does not cooperate with the way you think things should be. Very concerned with spiritual truth and growth, when you practice what you preach, you make an excellent role model for others. You are so devoted to altruistic ventures and concerns that you tire easily at times. It then becomes necessary for you to go off by yourself to recharge your batteries. 

I suppose my teaching could be considered altruistic.  That word does bother me, though.  I hope these things are true of me; I find them beautiful expressions of what I seek to be.

Saturn is in 06 Degrees Sagittarius. 
Basically quite conservative, you respect traditional authority figures and are very thankful and supportive of the laws and institutions which govern your life. You learn and accept new ideas only after having very thoroughly examined them. Ideals and abstract concepts are important to you only if they can be used in some practical fashion. You are so practical and so orderly that you have natural skills in planning, administrating and organizing. 

It's a bit odd to consider this authority thing with the other, and to consider the value of laws when I lived in Cambodia, but I see the benefit.  I am grateful when things work out.

Uranus is in 19 Degrees Sagittarius. 
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world. 

TED talks.  Truth.

Neptune is in 03 Degrees Capricorn. 
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts. 

Depressing, though accurate.  I do find it attractive to think of goals that are reachable and valid.  I absolute value practicality and the ability to work for something.  While I'm not sure of my generation's ideas of it, I think that working towards a goal should often be a part of my daily life.

Pluto is in 06 Degrees Scorpio. 
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search. 

Cool.

N. Node is in 20 Degrees Aries. 
You're at your most comfortable when involved in group activities outside of your immediate family circle. You delight in getting involved with others in neighborhood civic or political activities, especially if you can be a part of the leadership of the group. Your zeal and overabundant energy bring out your real creativity when you can work toward tangible results -- things that will immediately benefit those around you. You have a real gift for getting the most out of charity drives and community benefits. Take time out between projects though, because you tire out easily and your effectiveness becomes greatly diminished when your energy is depleted. Also, don't even think of trying to get involved at a peripheral level -- you need a total commitment to feel personally fulfilled. Let others bake the cookies and set up the chairs -- you should be the one to tell everyone what to do and when to do it! 

Not sure how to respond to this, but my ideas on charity in this moment in time are not very positive.  Especially because I live in this part of the world, I find charity and community service to be an odd, poorly considered thing.  I'm still working on this, of course, but I hope to find a cause to support.

An Alternate Universe

View from the morning.  I find that windows have a
big impact on me.

I feel as though I've entered an alternate universe.  At this exact moment, I'm sitting on a hanging chair, lounging outside on one of the most peaceful porches I've ever seen.  I'm listening to the sounds of nature, a whole cacophony of noises: frogs and insects and the things one hears in some tropical rain-forest.

I was fortunate enough to be invited to this IB retreat, a school event that takes all of the grade 12's to Khao Yai, to a resort outside the national park.  The purpose is to give the students a dedicated space and place to kick off this intensive year by presenting the work that they've done on their extended essays, a 4,000 word paper due in February.  I was invited by chance I think, to get a feel for the research that the students need to do within the next few months.  I heard several presentations today, and the work is going to be intense and interesting.  I am using the time to get to know the kids a bit better as well, because that's how good teachers operate.

I have never seen this honeycomb set up before.

We've also had some time for fun, though.  Part of the fun here is relaxing in this peaceful atmosphere.  It's a massive place, a sprawling complex full of beauty.  There is no place to turn where you aren't looking at something green and naturally gorgeous.  There's a view of the mountains and the lake from where breakfast is served.  You could get lost in the pathways from place to place... and the pool is phenomenal.  Salt water, massive.  It's stunning, the whole place.

There's also the food.  We've had these delicious Thai dishes every meal, with a variety of flavors.  They finish with cut mango and fresh fruit, and rivers of tea.  I can't say enough about it.  The breakfast... well, anyone who knows me knows my affinity for breakfast food.  There was an entire room devoted to it, which of course I went to early given the circumstances.  There was even a whole honeycomb that dripped into a dish.

Can't go wrong with a place that has cats roaming.

I learned later that there was also a mini-zoo, which turns out was an odd collection of creatures.  One deer, among chickens and peacocks.  Some goats... with peacocks.  Some ducks... with other odd ducks.  It was hilarious to see the menagerie that they had created.  Plus.  There was a man who helped out there, who had some sunflower seeds (and later corn) that he fed these beautiful birds with.  Then, he gave me some seeds and the birds came onto my hand!  Words couldn't express how overjoyed I was.  I was smiling like a mad fool.  I kept walking and found some gardens, which was equally awesome.  I may have to go back tomorrow to get a plant for my garden.  They were really inexpensive plants.  Curious given the fact that it's near a five star hotel thing.

Posers.

I also had a massage, which turned into something of a Thai lesson, with this funny Thai ladies trying to teach this silly white girl some phrases.  It also is getting to the end (and very dramatic part) of GoT Book 5, so I was exclaiming at the kindle and getting some good laughs from the ladies that way as well.

I have to take a moment and acknowledge this place that I'm in.  Just a few weeks ago I was stressing every moment about money, unable to sleep for the worry I had.  And here I am, in this fancy place, playing like I have hundred of dollars for hotel rooms every night.  It really makes me think about this life that I live, and the places that I can go with this school.  I'm grateful that I've had this opportunity, and hopefully will have it for more years to come.  It's such a step outside the bounds that I've experienced.  It's such a different life from the different ones I've led over the years.  I wonder about its impact with the simple life that I'm aiming for as well.  This weekend, I haven't turned on the television, or had telephone service.  I read my book.  I ate my food and talked.  It's been simple.  Very simple.  Though this life is very different, very privileged.  I'm unfamiliar with it all, still taking it all in.

The JOY. These birds have got a fine day of food.

I had another thought as well today.  I was watching these student presentations, about everything from a natural curing tree to Korean film to Devil Wears Prada.  There were so many topics that I had such minuscule background information on.  I thought to myself that I needed to read more, and more often, to pick up some of the slack the summer has left on my brain.  There are things I need more experience with, and books can bring me there.  Reading opens those doors, and I need them all wide now.  I'm nearly finished with Game of Thrones, and then.... all doors are open for more reading.

Voluntourism

When I was at the IB conference in Singapore, I was fortunate enough to listen to a talk from Tessa Boudrie, a woman who has been working as a social worker in Asia for years and years.  She currently runs a business that connects philanthropists with philanthropic opportunities, in Asia, and was speaking on choosing a good organization for the school to support.  She's a consultant, which has become a much needed business in this world that I now live in.  She worked in Cambodia, and gave several examples of this in her talk, in Burma, in Singapore, in Hong Kong, all over.  The talk was... phenomenal.  She laid her talk out in bullet points and examples; how should one choose an organization?  Look for this and this and this, else this and this is likely happening.

Voluntourism, which is volunteering for short stints of time in a foreign country, is a relatively new idea, and one that is catching on quickly.  There are organizations that provide short trips for students, for church groups, for adults, for anyone, for any amount of time.  Sometimes people pick up activities that are philanthropic while they visit another country.  I know people who've done that as well.  It's everywhere at this point, especially in countries with less infrastructure, like Cambodia.

There are huge implications for this.  Huge.  And so, here I write, hoping that the mind of at least one soul will be opened up.  I heard the talk, and noted the concerns, and thought a week, and edited more.  I'm very torn on this issue, torn on the things that I've seen and heard and experienced.  I volunteered throughout high school, throughout college; I was a Peace Corps Volunteer.  Now, I'm working through some intense reflection and looking through a different lens.  I'm going to go through my notes on her presentation, and present them to you.  She had examples, and I have examples, and it will be a big mash up of the two.  She put into clear words and phrases the things that I was beginning to grasp onto as I worked and lived in Cambodia.

We need to think about the differences between development and charity.  Development, where we help someone improve something about their life, something that they've identified they could change with a little help... and Charity, giving things to others.  That's the drive behind this.

Is the organization....

...needs based?
I saw this so often.  One day while I was working at school, an electric piano appeared on the doorstep.  It was a gift from the Korean government, part of an initiative to get Cambodian kids to enjoy playing music more.  There were a few problems with this idea.  One, there was no electricity to plug this piano into.  The school had no such thing.  Two, what teacher is going to lead a kid through this discovery?  None of our teachers knew how to play the piano.  I could tap a few keys into a melody from having a computer, but I can't well do that without electricity.  Three, any and all valuable (including school books) were usually kept locked up... when was this theoretical child meant to learn this?  They were answering an idea from their own lips, not the ideas of the school.

...addressing the symptoms instead of the roots?
She gave an example of an organization wanting funding for victims of acid attacks.  It had become this huge issue in Cambodia, because people were using it as a weapon that lasts forever.  Acid won't kill you, just disfigure you and make your life miserable.  They wanted all this money to provide care for these victims, and she was able to direct some money to media and government to provide change for the root issue.  She was able to get the laws changed to more serious sentences and provide PSAs that made the attacks unacceptable for society.  Along with her partners, they were able to address the root of the cause and dramatically reduce the number of people needing this assistance.

...best interests of the beneficiary?
This one hit home for me.  Peace Corps became for me something that served my resume and my personal development far more than it did those around me.  It's not uncommon, I know, but I wonder sometimes why I really went overseas in the first place.  I lived, I learned, and I hope that a voluntourist would consider seriously what they are hoping to accomplish by spending a week volunteering in a world and a culture that they don't know very well.  Especially when it comes to building things or working with children... I, too, did Habitat for Humanity while in Cambodia, and I look back on that and laugh at the misery I was.  It was also April, the hottest month of the year, and we were out building houses with concrete.  How silly of me to think that I knew what I was doing more than the man who has built homes for 30 years.... And yet, there I was.  Consider this as well, please.

...community driven?
I'll redirect this one back to the piano.  And, actually, a positive story.  Peace Corps does teach you to ask for what your partners want and try your darndest to give it to them.  I noticed a need with the bathrooms, that the girls were having a rough go at school because they didn't have clean restrooms to use.  My brother, Phil, helped give the money that built the bathroom, and I would hope that it is still in working order and being used.  The school community wanted a fence around the tree, though.  I didn't build a fence around the tree.  I think back on that and really wonder... I wonder if the bathroom is locked up like the school books and the fence around the tree magically popped up with some money.  The VSOers, with money from the US government, built a pediatric center that looked pretty awesome though.  It was needed, and wanted, and driven by those who wanted it.

...registered?
Is it real?  Maybe that sounds like an odd one to you, but in this wild west that is SE Asia, it isn't that much of a stretch.  It's easy to lie here.  It's easy to find a place for money.

...exit strategy?
I had a bit of a beef with lots of NGOs in Cambodia with this.  This one looks at the long term goal of any organization, which likely should include something about being done.  They fixed the main problem, or dealt with the big issues, or trained up locals to take over completely.  The white folk (or the Japanese folk, or the whoever folk) shouldn't necessarily be living on their NGO salary for the rest of their days.  What is the endgame?  Or is there one?

...serving the greater good or individuals?
She gave an example of a school sending two bright on full scholarships to Oxford, and how that money could feed an entire village for the better part of the year.  This was also the main criticism of JPA, just so you are aware.

...other players in the similar field?
There are a multitude of education NGOs in Cambodia.  None (or few) of them work together.

...financially vulnerable/audit?
Where's the money coming from?  Where's it going?  I'll say, I began to get very suspicious of big NGOs in Cambodia... they often had the biggest, fanciest cars driving around the place with their logos stapled on.

...sustainable?
People love this word.  Love it.  And it means a couple of things.  How is the business running?  How is it funded?  Are they beginning to make their own money and need an injection like a start up?  Or is it entirely donation based?  One of those is more sustainable than the other one, usually, that is.  Is it a business that could last if some things were shaken up?  It is a business, right?

...Reporting?
They should be reporting.  Often.

...Religious?
My family in the village became Christian because there were opportunities they could access in the city.  She didn't usually support those organizations because there were requirements to benefit from the services.  I've seen a very good one, that I support, and some much less good ones, so I'm torn on the issues.

...Political?
Hopefully I don't have to explain that one.

...Emergency?
I thought of the scene in Clueless when she was telling us about this one.  Cher donates her skis for the Pismo Beach Disaster Relief.  Emergency giving is often fraught with chaos, amazingly unorganized.  Usually donations are hard to manage.  Plus, the real needs come about 6-8 months later, when the aid starts to run out and people are getting back to real life.

...Foreign staffed?
Hopefully they are training up local staff to take over.  If not, it may be something to consider.

...an orphanage?
Ms. Boudrie is very passionate about this issue.  She never supports orphanages, ever.  Ever.  EVER.  I agreed before her talk, and now I agree more.  The vast majority of "orphans" in Cambodia are not orphans, just kids from a poor home.  Sometimes they are made to perform on the street.  Sometimes they are begging on the street and giving the money to some sort of kingpin around the alley.  Most of them were convinced to come to the orphanage with promises, and the number of orphanages has grown in a very similar pattern to that of tourism.

There are worse stories.  My teacher friend told me a story of visiting an orphanage in Vietnam.  It was run by some white fellas, and her teacher friend (a man) took her and another gal to this other place to give some school supplies and stuffs to these kids.  The men asked him which kid he wanted to take.  And to make sure he had him back by Friday.  No foreigner, no tourist, no person without the proper clearances and paperwork and everything, should be taking care of children or visiting children in orphanages.  Can you imagine trying to visit an orphanage or a group home in America?  In Europe?  Why is it okay in Asia?  It's not okay.  It is never okay.  If you don't work with these particular children, you shouldn't be visiting them.  Period.  My school doesn't allow anyone on campus that doesn't belong.... the same should be true for any space where children are present.  This nonsense has to stop.  No More Orphanages.

I'm forcing myself to stop now.  Please, please consider what it is you are doing before you try to swing a hammer for "poor people" someplace else.  Instead, start at home, in a culture that you understand, support responsible trade and tourism, and if you have something valuable to share, like a skill, figure out how to teach it to some people.  But, please, don't assume that you are saving the world by spending a week working on things that you don't know how to do.  And please, evaluate and reflect on your choices to volunteer overseas before you barge into another country and someone's home like the colonists of old.  Show dignity by increasing development.

References:
Voluntourism

Rough Seas

Preface:  This is not a blog entry meant to make you feel sorry for me, or to incite some sort of feelings for me and my situation.  I just wanted to explore the feelings that I was having and "be real" as Aaron would say.  I feel the need to be honest about switching my country and changing my work and the types of struggles that it comes with.

Moving is hard.  Moving across continents is hard.  Moving with a dependent is hard (in this, I'm making my cat count).  I've been putting on a face and trying to find my place here in Bangkok, but I'm stressed.

I'm stressed about money.  I've purchased my ticket and moved myself and paid the deposit on a new house.  I'm now in Singapore, on the same pay upfront and get reimbursed system.  And, honestly, I'm just plain broke right now.  These different expenses of getting set up in a house have added up and I won't get paid until the end of the month, for everything.  Even though I know that the first of September, I will be completely free and financially sound, I can't prevent myself from worrying and being stressed about the money that will get me through the next few weeks.  I've very few expenses, but I'm worried about the present and worried about the future.  I've taxes to pay every month for Thailand, taxes to pay for America, and I'm worried about that as well.  Will it be fine?  Yes.  It will.  Does that prevent me from worrying and wondering if I'll be able to save enough to pay off my loans?  Not in the least.

I'm hoping that this blog entry helps me feel more calm about it all.

I'm stressed about transport.  I moved into a house near Kim, which is beautiful and quiet.  He's asked me, rightfully so, to help pay for the commute costs, and they are going to take a small chunk of change.  Transport and money both.  I need to buy a bicycle to get around the village, which I've little money for at the moment, maybe eventually a moto as well.  I worry about making it to school on time given I'm riding to school with a European.  I worry about getting my things to and from the village.  It's a year, and I can live anywhere for a year.  I've lived in a dorm with odd ladies, in a huge theatre house, and with some pretty miserable humans last year.  I can do it.  But, I'm worried.

It's just rough for the moment.

I'm stressed about school.  The first days of school are always stressful, particularly in a new school.  There are new relationships, new children, new vocabulary, a new everything.  It is remarkably fresh and new, and it's very fun, but there's already this stress in other parts of my life, and sometimes I have a hard time focusing on what I'm doing at school.  It really helps that I'm in this conference in Singapore; I feel amazingly more confident about IB and the things that I'm doing in the library, the things I'm meant to do.  There's things that I can find more confidence on and work with.  It's always a bit rough to get beginning.

I miss Aaron.  Really, really, really miss him.  That may be remedied in short order, though.

Without these rough seas, I wouldn't understand how incredible life is, so while they stress me out, I'm incredibly grateful for them.  They remind me to be humble, that sometimes struggle is for the best.  I'll be sorted out in short order.

In Transit

The past couple days have been rough.  It is veritably impossible to think that moving across the world would not have some stresses involved, and I’m feeling some stresses indeed.

The biggest struggle I’ve been encountering is the thought of “what if?”  I’m in this limbo right now, not fully in Bangkok and not in Pittsburgh and not in Iowa and not anywhere.  I have some things planned, some ideas, but I also am considering and worrying over what I’m leaving in Pittsburgh.  I have a sneaking suspicion that there was a job lined up for me, a good job, a job that would have been fun.  I even got an email today reminding me of this job that still hasn’t been filled for whatever reason.  I’m leaving Aaron, leaving a few great friends, leaving things that I was really enjoying, for a possibility.  I’ll miss a wedding in November that I was so thrilled about.  I’ll miss Christmas, possibly more.  All these thoughts are hard right now considering my lack of housing, lack of space, lack of a solid foundation. 

And yet, I’m reminding myself of a few key points.

This school in Bangkok will be a challenge.  It will be hard, challenging work, and it will make me a better librarian, a better teacher, and hopefully a better human.  I may have encountered some challenges in Pittsburgh, at this school I’m thinking about, but they wouldn’t have been anything like this.  After my work the last semester of school in Pittsburgh, my subbing work, I am more than ready for a challenge. 

While I’m tired of moving, I’m not tired of travel.  Living in Bangkok with the resources and the access will grant me more opportunities to see the world.  I’m thinking of visiting India, Egypt, maybe New Zealand.  Grandpa recommended that I see Japan, so I may go there as well.  I have a nice selection of short holidays throughout the year that should be conducive to travelling, and a wide variety of friends in various locations to go visit.  The guy who helped me get this job, Kim, is Belgian, and his wife is Italian, and perhaps those would be on the agenda as well. 

I am reminding myself that this job falls in line with the majority of the other jobs that I’ve had; it’s fallen into my lap as if by magic.  From college this has happened, and I’m learning to listen to the way that life is directing me.  The job I had in college…. fell in my lap after a chance meeting.  Peace Corps…. one professor’s story became my goal, and I was fortunate enough to be the second group of volunteers in Cambodia.  This, incidentally, gave me the work at JPA, which helped me discover the work that I loved so much.  I met my Pittsburgh friend, and that connection gave me the springboard to work from as I attended graduate school.  Falk, then USC, all of these were a combination of my hard work and connections and blessed chance. 

This job fell into my lap in a similar way.  I have to wonder at the timing, at the fact that my friend from JPA was working in Bangkok, in a school he loved, and that they were looking for a librarian at the exact same time that I was looking for a job.  I believe they had already hired someone, but that plans and life changed in a certain way and the job became available.  What are the chances?  It could have happened for a very specific reason that has yet to avail itself to me.  Perhaps it is the money that I will save, the experiences that I’ll accrue.  Perhaps it is the impact on Aaron, which I already have seen.  Perhaps it is the change to our relationship and the improvement that we will both feel as a result. 

So here I am, contemplating in the airport, waiting for the long flight to begin, hoping for the best.  I’m struggling, but I know that things will work out.  They have before.  They will again.